Hustle or Not?

I'm struggling with myself today...

I pride me on being nonjudgemental of others. People tell me crazy shit all of the time. I don't blink. So - people keep sharing their crazy biz with me, and I keep on not blinking.

HOWEVER.... there is one area in life where I am extremely judgemental and I see this trait in some men in particular. And this is when -- I hear the talk... "I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm movin and shakin and got this connect. I know so and so." Man oh man, do I hate that. The men I know who really have it going on like that don't have to state it.

And since I'm complaining -- when a person knows that I am a dear friend of someone, and wants that hook up. Perhaps, Dear Scavenger, I am that person's friend because I love them for them, and don't care about the hook up. Ah!

So the struggle with myself is that there is a whole world of opportunity out there -- and I'm not gettin my hustle on. Sure, I'm a middle class American girl with a j-o-b. But I'm not taking advantage of the American dream. I can watch the Secret and make affirmations everyday all I want - but then it comes down to the hustle. I firmly believe some folks are hustlers and some are not and it just is. I'm ashamed to admit to myself that I've been complacent for 5 years now.

I'm right under the surface of the water, and just need to come up for air. People are hustlers or not. Time to just do it. Not talk about it.

Sigggghhhhhhhhh.

Siggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

I am a sucka for some organic try-to-fight-it-cause-it-ain't-politically-correct DANGEROUS love. You KNOW what I'm tawkin bout Willis - that electric take your breath away and then exhales it back into you infused with all of the grace of the universe make you feel like you're a little kid at Disneyland type of stuff. That extra organic natural magnestism that ain't so frequent, may even just be passing by but stands out in your personal hall of fame.

Siiiigiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Universal human moments

Never knowing where the next day will leave me; and wisely aware of the importance of not committing myself absolutely to any plans; I hopped on a plane last night to LA. I didn't mention it except to a couple of folks and since I've been here have been utterly enjoying myself doing il bey far niente.

I'm reading Eat Pray Love and this excerpt really stands out to me:

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

The human experience is universal, and I must say that this sentiment parallels my current existence.

Time heals all wounds babe!

Guess I got my swagga back/Mama they said that I killed the man but I guess I got my dagger back. Keira's back in the heazy!

1. So the ex I was mourning over married someone else last weekend that he met a few months ago. This news actually helped drastically speed up the healing process. Ex who? Thanks Wifey - you just saved my life.
2. This is the part where I look back and see what my lesson was; and the part where God whispers that if I didn't get the lesson I get to take the remedial course. Uhm, got it God. Thanks... Can the next class be about manifesting a splendid amount of wealth?
3. Still going through a major growth spurt... at work; as a parent; as a woman.
4. I'm taking a lover...
5. Okay already Billary. Can't we all just get along? My cat can predict that Obama is our candidate already! We still love you the same.
6. Everytime these natural disasters strike, I vow to one day work for the United Nations. I even go online and see what jobs they're hiring for. I swear, one day - I'm going to take a season and give all of myself to help aid people struggling without food, clothes and shelter.
7. My son has a girlfriend. Did I mention she has big boobs? Lawd help me Jesus.
8. Am I the only one who thinks that the people at poetry night are way too serious? I can't even keep a straight face because everyone's so deep. Kind of like when people feel the Holy spirit at church. Or when someone farts in yoga class. Oops. Is that just me too?
9. My Passport is on the way and I am leaving the country! Going to the Dominican Republic with some friends. And if ya didn't know, now ya know: It is the oldest colony in the New World discovered by Christopher Columbus's brother; the other half of the island is Haiti; in the Carribbean between Venezuela and Jamaica; settled by the Spanish; and they have great drinks and I'm going to try them all in one night while wearing a bikini, fedora, and stilletos!
10. Hugs and kisses.

Bored at work

1. Guess I could... work.
2. Heavy on DJ K-rock's rotation right now - Lupe Fiasco 'Paris Tokyo' because I secretly want to get whisked away like that.
3. LOVING Zumba class! 3 times a week baby - everyone should try it.
4. Malik is doing football Spring training at his highschool and Mama is SO proud!
5. Love how me and Chad are both scurred to tell the boss lady that CHAD turned in his rental car with the big ass job fair booth in the trunk.
6. Getting a new weave tomorrow. I'm addicted, and no - I'm not bald. Just love the versatility.
7. Off to meet Hans & Karen for yoga! :)
8. Let me scream it: Excercise is the cure all for everything y'all! You fat? depressed? not feeling good? insecure? need to clear yo mind? want better health? EXCERCISE! I promise, it's only hard the first 3 weeks. Then - it ain't nothin.
9. Got to love yourself first, right?
10. Namaste.

It's a Friday in April

1. And I'm going to Happy Hour at McCormick's with Tash and Jude fo that $1.99 burger!
2. Loving Janet Jackson's song "This Can't Be Good."
3. Wondering where life will lead me this weekend.
4. Have doublebooked myself for every night this weekend including tonight - and I so hate committment - unless its the kind where you get to make out.
5. Did Beyonce & Jay-Z really get married today?
6. Checking out Steph's church this weekend, The Church of Religious Science...

It Was Already Written

I love the hell out of Teej's blogs, and Teej suggests I write more to... heal.this.aching.heart. So here I am. Very unhappy, feeling like I'm weighted down underwater - and this is an accurate description - because of lost love. It's the same old BORING story again. Girl meets boy. They love, they lose, they leave. They vow to never look back. Sombody has to have a miserable broken heart about it and guess whose waving the short end of the stick this season? It's me. So there I go pestering Teej again. "How do I get over him? I dream about this fool every night! It's a spiritual addiction. I need him. I love him. Help me, Teej. Teej, the Psychic lady says..." I feel so pathetic. But I'm a pathetic with pride! I flex my muscles because I'm a pathetic and broken hearted girl who won't pick up the phone and just call Him. He will have to call ME. And believe me I have been waiting for a couple of long slow dreary endless months of agony.

If it was already written... If he is indeed my ONE... he'll turn up soon enough I tell myself. Then I beg God. Then I bug Teej about it. Poor guy.

So is it?